We’ve all been there. We’ve accepted an
invitation and then we've needed to cancel. Is there really any good way to do this?
I think not. But there are ways to lessen
the blow.
First of all, let me say, you should
always respond to invitations. Sometimes they come with “respond by” dates, but
even if they don’t, it’s just rude to not respond. Verbal or written, by email,
by text, by carrier pigeon... all invitations deserve a response.
You’ve been invited. You did the right
thing and responded in the affirmative. And you had every intention of showing
up. And then, life got in the way. It could be a sudden illness or your car has
broken down. Your flight was cancelled or the babysitter has cancelled on you
at the last minute. You need to work late or need to go out of town. Whatever the
reason, you now need to cancel.
Just do it and do it right away.
The optimal way to cancel is to pick up
the phone and call the host. It’s not pleasant, but better to let them
know rather than just not show up. If the event is a major affair (a wedding for
instance), try not to call the bride directly. Let someone in the family or
wedding party know. If the event is a gala dinner, unless you are the keynote
speaker, call the event planner. If it’s
for a family event (for which you surely must know you will likely never be
forgiven anyway) just “man up” as they say and make the call. Be honest and
make your apologies.
Never lie to get out of an obligation you
now wish to cancel.
Not only are lies almost always
uncovered, by lying you are compounding an already uncomfortable situation. By
cancelling honestly you are telling people that in spite of your very best
efforts you simply cannot join them. If you think your family/friend/date is
angry now... how do you think they’ll feel when they catch you in a lie (and they always do)?
Be prepared for push back.
Take an aspirin they’ll say. I’ll pick
you up, they’ll say. Take the next flight they’ll say. Just bring your kids
anyway, they’ll say. Quit your job, they'll say. These will probably have already gone through your mind
and all, rightly, rejected. If attending this event has become impossible, don’t
let the host bully you into moving heaven and earth to arrive. If it were truly
an event you just could not miss at all cost, you would have already acted on
those options already, no?
Just remember, no matter how many times
you did show up, it’ll be the times you didn’t that will be remembered. There’s
just no getting around that. Try not to do it too often. Be upfront and be honest.
And the next time someone cancels on you, be understanding.